It is time to start blogging again!

A year or more has gone by. I could not write a thing. I had many thoughts, but those were accompanied by many tears. Hard to type on a keyboard while trying to dodge teardrops. So, I waited till the spirit moved me. Not sure if the spirit is moving me, but I'll pound the keys a bit now!

I don't watch much TV. Tom loved his Westerns. He was Gunnabe Cowboy in his cowboy competitions! I love to read, and thanks to BookBub.com and my sister Sandra's generous offerings of her books from her Kindle to mine, I am kept in constant supply of reading material. Great diversions they are! I read a sweet story, and I want to share a snippet from it that I would like to be able to read again....and again.
Angelo's Journey: A Border Collie's Quest for Home by Leland Dirks

"On nights like last night, the third night in a row that Angelo has spent away from home, I worry. And I wonder at the power of love....
What is it that causes us to take such risks with our hearts? Knowing that in a moment, the ecstasy of loving can be replaced with the pain of loss?
Why on earth would we put our hearts in the hands of another human being, knowing that humans so easily fall pry to vanity, jealousy, and hurt? Or the knowledge that that person might die?
Why would we allow ourselves to love another whose lifespan may possibly be less than our own?
I believe that is was Alfred, Lord Tennyson, who once wrote,
     I hold it true, whate'er befall;
     I feel it when I sorrow most;
     'Tis better to have loved and lost
     Than never to have loved at all.
I believe that we are certain to experience loss, through inaction, through insensitivity, through indecisiveness. And it is only through the gamble of loving that we might avoid, or recover from, such inevitable losses.
So, love...love your friends, your family, your pets, your neighbors, the strangers, your enemy...Many times such love will be as seeds that fall on stones...and often, your love will be repaid with loss...but, oh, those rare few seeds of love that take root...while the plant grows, will yield such joy...and even if that love eventually dies...the memories of its joy are worth the risk.
That's what I think!"

Well, I did it again. Tears are making it difficult to continue typing....so till next time......as my Tom used to say, Love like there is no tomorrow!

Thanksgiving Day 2013

This is Thanksgiving, Nov. 28, 2013. It is a hard day to face, another first in the line of important days without our Dad, our Tom. But, we will do what he would want us to do.
A year ago, we had just been released from Rehab Institute of Chicago. Dad was strengthened by their staff, he was walking with a walker, and he was so very happy to be back home. We had a good Thanksgiving. And, it truly was a blessed day.
This year, I will make a wish as I break the turkey's wishbone, but my wish will not come true. I will wish for Tom to come back. Silly. I know. But, what is a wish if you cannot wish for something special?  And that would be special.
I am going to Kevin's house in New Troy. Linda and I have been busy preparing a unique dinner, for which I am pleased to be busy preparing. A turkey, yes, and many veggie side dish delights. I do not want to be home for this day. I see Tom everywhere I look. He was just such a big presence in our lives. 
He would want us to move on; he would not want us to dwell on his leaving us. But, that is easier said than done.
So, I pledge to try and be ever so thankful for what we had....all 49 years of knowing him....and for what we have today: beautiful kids and kidlets! And, I am thankful, for without having known him, I would not have this family today.
My wish for today: have a good holiday. And love my family......
love all of you.
mom

This is how I like to remember our Tom. This was the year before the transplant. He was strong, happy, thrilled to be visited by all his grandchildren. He was a retired Schuyler County Deputy, having lived a life with no regrets, having done what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. He was a good guy! I love remembering him this way.

Lost my best friend, the love of my life!

Whew. It is now November 24, 2013. Long time since my last post. I was not able to write before this, but now I think I owe this blog an update!
May 6, 2013 was a fateful day. Our dear father, dad, husband, friend, grandpa, Papa, neighbor, buddy, Gunnabe Cowboy and the love of my life....met his Maker. Tom died at Lakeland Hospital. His fight was gallant. His determination was strong. He almost made it! I thought he would. But, his blood counts were nil, the bone marrow transplant was not kicking in very quickly, and a nasty E Coli infection caused his demise. In one long day, he came down with a horrible fever, was taken to ER, given everything known to try to help him, but E Coli won the fight.
It has been a long spring and summer and fall. As we are about to embrace the Holiday season, I cannot help but think back on last year, when we were released from the Rehab Institute of Chicago where they had helped Tom rehabilitate after his bout with the transplant at University of Chicago. He had lost 80#, was not able to eat, could not walk or transfer. Still he was besieged with diarrhea from Graft Versus Host Disease, a consequence of the transplanted stem cells. He was so happy to go home to his own home, bed, recliner, TV. We thought we had made it....we thought we were good! But we had many more returns to the hospital. I think back on how happy he was to have family, grandchildren, friends here. He loved people...his people. I wish I could time travel back a year.....!

I will continue to pound the keys here. It is therapeutic. I finally could write this without crying....it has been a long 7 months since I lost my best friend. I am learning how to live each day.....because he would want me to!

Much has happened in the past year!Papa went into University of Chicago for a bone marrow transplant on July 10, 2012. Many things went awry, and now it is February 9, 2013, and we are still in hospital. At one point, he was in for 179 days before discharge! He is a very sick cookie.
We are holding on, praying for miracles, and hoping for a discharge soon so we can return to our home in Michigan. Hopefully, before spring?????

Father's Day Weekend Party, 2012

We are having a gathering! All Ed Kanoski's relatives are invited to our SW Michigan area for a reunion, the first in 19 years????? Yikes. Hope we see everyone.

Our 1 year anniversary in Michigan

One year ago today, Tom and I packed our last box, shoved it onto a very full UHaul, said a tearful goodbye to our gorgeous home, and we headed for Macomb to spend the night and be early to our closing in the morning of Nov 5, 2009. Sad day, happy day! We couldn't decide! New owners please take care of our lovely home that we built and cared for with such love.
Next day, he headed east to our Michigan home in the UHaul, I followed in my Jeep. We both felt elation when we crossed the Indiana/Michigan state line....we blew our horns and smiled cuz we were heading "Home"!
Little did I know, little did I even dream, that ALL OUR FAMILY...everyone..was at that very moment heading to our new home, too. By plane, train, bus, boat, canoe, van, truck, bicycle, ski....well, some of those anyway!!!! They were going to give me a huge surprise of a lifetime! I just retired, left my job, left my house, left my town & state, and headed to a new life. And they wanted to help us do it!
The next several days were a blur of family, food, drink, kids, grandchildren, friends, relatives, packing boxes, unpacking boxes, finding stuff, losing stuff, but loving my loving family for wanting to help us. Bless you all. There is nothing I could ever do to repay you all for the wonderful feeling of joy you gave us for just being there! Priceless!